• Don’t base your beliefs and opinions about life on the news
  Bad things happen. Bad news sells. Therefore the media reports bad news. Good things happen. Good news doesn’t sell. Therefore the media doesn’t report good news. Just because good news isn’t broadcast doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It’s happening all the time.
• Don’t mimic the beliefs and opinions of others.
  Some people are cynical and negative about life. They are only too willing to relay their bad news stories or to advise you of how bad and dangerous the world is and how it’s only going to get worse. Usually they’re parroting what they’ve seen, heard or read via the media or their other pessimistic friends . It’s easy to be negative and cynical. It’s easy not to think for yourself. It’s easy to accept information without questioning it - to accept a sensationalistic piece of news without pondering or investigating what the actual statistics are.
• Be optimistic because it works.
  It’s true. Optimism works! In his book Learned Optimism, Dr Martin Seligman, describes how optimists benefit in numerous departments of life - health, sport and careers to name but a few. The big trap people fall into regarding optimism is the belief that you have to think happy thoughts consistently without one intervening negative thought. The litmus test of optimism is not how you react when things are going right. Instead, it’s your reactions to things going wrong. It’s not just about being happy, it’s sometimes about being resilient and determined. Optimism is a skill that can be mastered. Seeing the world in a brighter light will help you to notice things that support your optimistic attitude. One of the interesting points about perception is that we tend to find what we’re looking for. There is a part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System that will literally seek out what you’re looking for. Often when you purchase a new car you begin to notice that model of car a lot more. This is why people who are pessimistic have absolutely no trouble supporting their beliefs. The same holds true for the optimist.

So be more conscious when you’re deciding how good or bad life is. And while you do that keep in mind the words of Shakespeare, ‘Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’

1. You’ve experienced past failure: This is the big one for many ex-goal-setters. Often people have set goals in the past and have failed to achieve them. They’ve since decided it’s easier not to set goals in order to avoid any further feelings of failure.
   Solution: People fail at achieving goals for many reasons: Unrealistic goals, lack of action, no action, inflexibility, lack of resilience, lack of or no strategy, the goal is not in line with a person’s values and so on. Failure is a part of the goal process. If you’re expecting everything to fall in place without a glitch you’ll be mightily disappointed every time. This is especially true if there are elements outside of your control, such as other people or weather. Don’t judge the failure. Learn from it and do things differently.
2. You’re too spiritual to set goals: You live in the now. Planning takes you out of the now.
   Solution: Plan in the moment. Enjoy the process of planning. Planning can be fun and exciting and you can then enjoy the process of achieving your goals.
3. You don’t have time to set and/or achieve goals: You’re way too busy to sit down and write down goals - it’s just another to do list.
   Solution: You’re too busy not to! If you set goals in line with what is important to you (your values) you may find yourself being less busy and more fulfilled. It may get you off the treadmill of life and towards having more meaning and value. For example, if health is really important for you but you don’t spend enough time on this area you could set a goal to walk regularly instead of doing something that is not a priority.
4. It’s too hard to achieve goals: You’ve got plenty of things on your plate so travelling to Peru, running a marathon, learning Japanese and earning $100,000 a year are beyond you.
   Solution: Change your strategy. Break things down into bite-sized pieces. If your end goal is to travel to Peru, look at it in simpler steps, actions you could take in the short term e.g. visit travel agent, or start a savings programme, or go online and research the best places to visit in Peru.

Why Should We Set Goals?

1. Setting goals will increase your chances of getting what you’re after.
   Goals are simply about being conscious or aware of things in our life we’d like to improve or have more of. Our brains like targets. In fact our brains work this way. When you try and think of something you don’t want it will think of that e.g. don’t think of a pink umbrella. What happened? Pink umbrella! In other words our brains have a tendency to move towards things, even if that thing is something you don’t want.
2. Goal-setting is really nothing more than being conscious of something that we want to change. Much of our behaviour is automatic, it’s habitual. If your life is perfect then keep running on automatic pilot. If you are human and you want to grow and expand or make positive changes in your life: set goals. And once you are conscious of something you can then carry out an action plan in order to achieve it.

Happy goal-setting!!

In other words, we have a tendency to move towards or away from things. Generally speaking, some of us are more prone to aim for what we do want, whilst others aim for what they don’t. If you agree we have a tendency to chase feelings then you may also agree it would make good sense to discover the specific feelings you’re trying to chase. These specific feelings are sometimes called Ends Values. If you get more of your Ends Values met there is a good chance you’ll feel more fulfilled.
It’s a good idea to start with the big topics of life. Some examples of these include:

• Family
• Friends/Social Life
• Spirituality
• Health
• Career
• Education

Next ask the question, ‘What is most important?’ Here you simply make comparisons i.e. ‘What’s more important?’ Family or friends? If your answer was family you then compare family with the next one on the list and so on.
At the end of this process you will have a list illustrating what is most important for you. For example, it could read something like:

• Health
• Family
• Career
• Relationship
• Spirituality
• Friends
• Education

Just by spending a few minutes performing this activity you’ll have an idea of what is most important for you. Going back to the example above, let’s say health was number one for you but you weren’t living that way. This could be a wake up call to spend a little more time looking after yourself. Maybe family was no.1 but you’re putting all your energy into work. It’s unlikely this is giving you much fulfilment.
The next step involves a little more work but is a worthy investment. As I said earlier people are chasing feelings, so wouldn’t it make sense to discover what those feelings were for you? We aren’t really chasing health, that’s just a word that means many things for many people; we’re actually chasing what health gives us. Some people are really after energy, some want to improve their looks, or as we age some us want to maintain mobility.
If we examine the area of career we’ll notice that there are many feelings people may be chasing:

• Independence
• Stimulation
• Acknowledgement
• Creativity
• Security
• Contribution - Serving Others
• Fun
• Part of a team
• Reward

This list is just a short example, there are many others that could be added, but just by looking at this list what is the prime feeling you are after from your career/work? Are you getting that feeling? Is there anything within your control that would help you to get it?
Remember if we get more of our ends values met we get more satisfaction so take some time to elicit your values and base your goals upon these values.

I believe one of the common reasons people don’t follow through is they simply make things too hard for themselves. For instance, a person starts a health regime and everything is initially going well - working out and eating well. Inevitably that person has an off day. They may have overeaten at a party or b were too busy at work and missed an exercises session. This can commonly lead to criticizing oneself or in some cases giving up altogether.

Rewarding the behaviour serves a dual purpose. Your brain will link enjoyment to the process and secondly, you’ll have reinforced the behaviour.

The general rules of rewarding yourself:

• Plan your rewards e.g. have a massage booked one month ahead as a reward for sticking with your exercise programme.
• Timing can be crucial. Sometimes reward yourself as or just after you’ve completed something.
• Occasionally give yourself a large reward, even if it’s unwarranted.
• Don’t reward behavior or actions that are inconsistent with what you’re trying to achieve e.g. don’t give yourself junk food for sitting on the lounge watching T.V. when you should have been exercising.
• Don’t punish yourself whilst in the process of making a change e.g. if you’re trying to learn golf and you pull a shot that’s not the right time to call yourself an idiot. Just ignore it and move on!

One of the simplest ways to reward yourself is through how you communicate to yourself. Praise yourself or mentally pat yourself on the back. Catch yourself doing things right. Too often we do the opposite of this by letting the internal critic do the talking.

So how can you begin rewarding yourself from today? Make it an essential part of your goal setting.

Motivation is a vital ingredient in life. It helps us get things done, make changes and improve our lives.

The purpose of motivation is to get something started; you don’t need it all the time. For instance, if you’re half way through an activity you usually have enough momentum to keep going.

The real key to motivation is to be able to get yourself motivated from the inside out, not from the outside in. The following techniques are designed to give you some tools to get motivated using the internal approach:

• Do it anyway

  This is the proactive approach. Even though you don’t feel like doing something, you do it anyway. Although this approach is a challenging it teaches your mind that it doesn’t have all the control, that ultimately the actions you take override whatever is going on in your mind.

• Play the 10 minute game

  Just begin the activity you’ve been putting off. The rules of the game are once 10 minutes are up, you can stop. Chances are you won’t because beginning is half done. The advantage of this strategy is that you’ll bypass overwhelm, which tends to quickly quell the fires of motivation. So if it’s big, make it small.

• Remember

  Can you remember a time in your life that you felt motivated? If you can’t can you simply remember the general feeling of motivation? Motivation is a state or a feeling that you have felt before - it’s actually already there in your nervous system. Why not access it? In a future blog I’ll show you how to lock this feeling in so you can use it at will!

• Think differently

  Believe it or not, you actually have an internal strategy to get motivated. In other words, you are thinking in a specific way in order which in turn leads to motivation or a lack thereof. For example, let’s say you wanted to tidy your office. Notice what goes on in your head when you attempt to get yourself going. Do you think thoughts such as, ‘I really should get this done’ with a dreary internal tone of voice? Or do you have a nice big, clear picture of your office already tidied up? Which one feels better? Or why not just a simple affirmation: ‘I feel motivated!’. Thoughts ultimately lead to feelings, so be careful of how you think them!

• Think ahead

  One of the biggest mistakes people make with motivation is they wait for it to happen to them, some kind of external event, circumstance or situation to happen before they have the drive to do something. A classic example of this is waiting right up to the deadline before you start your taxes. To get around this think ahead. Examine the consequences of putting something off. For example, say you consistently decide not to exercise for 3 months. How would you feel? Sluggish? Tired? Carrying a few extra kilos? What about if you had consistently exercised for 3 months? Imagine the results. Notice how good it feels. The beauty of imagination is that you can pre-empt the results of doing or not doing something. Why not take advantage of it? Look at motivation as a skill you can develop over time - something you can better and better at.

One final tip in case you’re still stuck - call in for reinforcements. Find a good friend, family member, (or life coach!) that can hold you accountable in the long-term to getting those things done that are important for you.

Next week I’ll show you some simple strategies to keeping yourself motivated for the long-haul!

If you truly want to improve your memory you need to develop an active memory - not a passive one.

One of the main reasons we can have poor recall is we are sometimes lazy with our memory.

Would you expect to have strong biceps by walking into the gym, picking a dumb bell and doing one arm curl? Of course not! But this is what we do with our memory. We expect it to work well but don’t always do the initial effort required for good results.

Have you ever read an entire book but can’t remember the title? Have you ever sat down and watched a movie but wouldn’t have a clue what it was called? Do you meet new people and their name goes in one ear and out the other?

When this happens we’re quick to blame our memory, but usually this happens not because of a bad memory, but an ineffective memory strategy.

Let’s examine the 3Rs of memory so that you can begin giving your memory a workout and remember more easily.

1. Register

   To register means to consciously lock in the information you want to remember. You’re actually investing time to actively absorb the information.

   Here are some examples:

   • You say somebody’s name back in conversation a couple of times after hearing their name (see my blog How to Remember Names for more details).
   • You invest a mere 15 seconds locking in the name of the book or movie you’re reading or watching.
   • You make a mental note of where you put your keys or glasses down.
   • You observe where you parked your car in the local shopping mall and take note of the first shop you see as you enter the mall.
   • You study effectively by testing yourself as part of the study process by not referring back to your notes.
   • You use a mnemonic (more on these in future blogs).

   A lot of registering simply means to be more conscious of what you’re doing or what you’re trying to remember.

   A person with a good memory has made effective registering a habit.

2. Retain

   Once you’ve registered the information you want to hold onto that information for the long haul. This is where retaining steps in. How can you effectively hold onto what you need to remember in the long-term?

   Most forgetting tends to occur in the first 24 - 48 hours of learning something. Therefore it’s imperative to do something to ensure the information stays in the brain.

   So how do you retain?

   Let’s say you met John Smith from company XYZ yesterday and you arranged to meet him again in two weeks. The way memory works is that in most cases you’re unlikely to recall John’s name in 2 weeks if you do nothing.

   What you need to do is simply review John’s name within the first 24 hours of meeting him. For example, you might have his business card and look at it to refresh your memory. Alternatively, you might look back in your business calendar and refresh yourself in regards to who you recently met.

   If the gap is longer between meeting John Smith you will have to have some more periods of review. The general rule of thumb is that as time goes on you can have longer periods of time between each review e.g. you might review after a day, then 3 days, a week, a month and so on.

   The same process applies to study. A process of review is very important in transferring what you have studied to your long-term or secondary memory. Even if you’re very knowledgeable about a subject it’s a good idea to occasionally review.

3. Recall

   Recall is the test of memory.

   In a nutshell, spend more time in the first 2Rs of remembering (registering and retaining in case you’ve forgotten!) and you’ll enjoy better recall.

   Happy memories!

If you’re like most people it’s unlikely this is one of your strengths. In fact after training people to improve their memory for many years I’ve discovered most people consider themselves to be poor at remembering names.

What’s the motivation behind remembering names?

There are plenty of benefits if you can remember people’s names - it builds rapport with others and it can help in both business and social situations.

Why is remembering names so challenging?

• When you’re introduced to somebody it usually happens quickly and speed and retention don’t often go hand-in-hand.
• If you’re introduced to multiple people quickly, such as at a party, you experience overwhelm of information (known as cognitive overload).
• The link or association you have is transient. In other words, you’re attaching a name to person and that person’s physical appearance will change - they could dye their hair, change their clothes (hopefully), grow a beard, grow, shrink, get glasses, put on a hat, etc.
• The environment in which you know or met the person may change. Sometimes you can work with somebody for years and bump into them at the local shopping centre and find it a struggle to remember their name. This is known as memory in context.
• Remembering names is both a memory and a social skill.

Despite these little challenges the time for excuses is over.

Name Remembering Strategies

Keep in mind that memory is a strategy. What’s your strategy for remembering names? Proof that you have an effective strategy would be that most of the time you can recall people’s names well.

A poor name remembering strategy might be:

• Believing that you have a rotten memory and can’t remember names.
• Give excuses to people when being introduced, ‘It’s not even worth telling me your name I’ll probably forget it anyway.’
• Put your attention on anything else but the name when being introduced.
• You rely solely on hearing the person’s name to remember the name.
• Even if you manage to remember the name do absolutely nothing with it to ensure you’ll forget it in the long term.
• You typically have poor recall when you meet people again.

If some or all of this poor strategy appears familiar here’s a new one to try:

1. Believe You Can Remember Names: people’s belief systems determine how well or badly they perform. You won’t improve your memory by telling yourself you have a bad memory. If you continue to hold onto the belief that you can’t remember names you’ll easily find evidence to support that belief. So start developing a new belief system and then look for evidence to support that belief - if you meet 10 people at your next party and remember 5 names, then focus on the success of remembering the 5 names.
2. Remember to Remember: this means to be prepared.It’s not always possible to do this as you can sometimes be introduced to somebody unexpectedly, but if you’re going to a party and you know you’ll likely meet new people, go in with the intention of remembering names.
3. Remain Calm and Confident: the state that you’re in when learning anything plays a big role in how well you’ll remember. Sometimes you could be nervous or self conscious when meeting new people. One of the ways around this is to adopt a relaxed posture and breathe comfortably.
4. Pay Attention: if you don’t hear the name to begin with it’s impossible to recall it later. Listen! Listen! Listen! Just by doing this step you’ll dramatically improve your ability to remember names. Take note of the person’s facial features as well. Remember you’re linking the name to the face so both details are important.
5. Use a Mnemonic: a mnemonic is anything that assists your memory. Once you hear the name do something with it. At the very least say the name back in conversation a few times. A visual mnemonic is to picture somebody you know (or a famous person) on the shoulder of the person you just met. Another technique is to visualize the name itself above the person. Remember a multi-sensory approach is best, so if you rely on remembering the name just by hearing it you’ll greatly reduce your chances of retaining the name.
6. Review the Name: most forgetting occurs in the first 24 - 48 hours of learning. If you want to remember the name in the long term you must review the name. For example, you could look at the person’s business card briefly or just go over the person’s name in your head periodically as you recall their facial features.

What if I’m introduced to lots of people at once?

The art of introducing people seems to be a ritual of the past and often you’ll walk into a party and be introduced to a swarm of people at once. This is Mary, Fred, Harry, Lisa, Andrew and the rest may as well be blah, blah, blah….

If you do happen to be introduced to many people simultaneously you’ll usually only remember a handful of names.

The 2 reasons for this are:

• We can only hold onto a small amount of information at a time (approximately 7 bits).
• The way memory naturally works if we’re hit with lots of information quickly we’ll remember the start, the end and anything that stands out or interests us - not the stuff in between.

The way around this is to introduce yourself to people individually later on.

The bad news is that all of this happens fast. The good news is that you can train yourself to be better at remembering names from today and be one of the few that can recall names well.

When we’re anxious or stressed we tend to breathe in a quick and shallow fashion. So if you want to feel calmer breathe more slowly and deeply.

Aim for a point just below the navel. Breathe easily and comfortably down to this point. Practice holding your breath down at that same point for the count of 2 before you exhale. You can add to this method of breathing by taking a shorter breath in and a longer breath out. Notice what feels most comfortable - breathing out through your nose or mouth?

Yoga, Tai Chi, mediation, hypnosis and self hypnosis revolve around breathing techniques. Typically we breathe without being aware of it (unconsciously), but doing some conscious breathing exercises on a consistent basis can be a great stress reliever.

2: Imagine

Sit comfortably, close your eyes and imagine a place that you associate with relaxation or calmness. Choose a beach, a garden, the countryside, or maybe somewhere indoors, such as lying back on a comfortable chair.

As you think about that place, immerse yourself into the experience, step into yourself as if you were there right now. Utilize your senses. Breathe how you’d breathe if you were there. See, hear, feel, smell and enjoy the experience. Feel the texture of the chair, or the grass or feel the sun on your arms, or the warm sand between your toes, notice the scenery around you, both near and far, and the sounds of nature, or your favourite music, or simply the stillness, and what smells do you associate with an enjoyably relaxed state? Just pretend you can smell the aroma, scent or perfume in the air. Immerse yourself in the experience and gently bring yourself back.

Remember the more vivid you imagine an experience the more your unconscious mind thinks it’s real.

3: Talk to yourself!

Of course talking to yourself (the internal chatterbox) is what you’re trying to stop doing! You may have found this very challenging. Try now to stop thinking for the next 10 seconds. Most likely you found yourself thinking about when those 10 seconds were going to be up.

We are thinking beings so the idea is not to stop thinking but to at least take temporary control over your internal dialogue.

One of the most effective ways to gain some control over your internal dialogue is to change how you are thinking. This means to change things like the volume, speed and tone of your internal voice.

At the same time change the what (the content) of your thinking.

An example of this is to think the simple thought ‘I feel calm and relaxed’ and slow down the pace of your internal voice so it’s half the speed and change your internal tone to a very relaxing, soothing one (known as changing the submodalities in Neuro Linguistic Programming).

Repeat this process for a few minutes and notice how quickly your thoughts affect your body.

4: Use a scale

Counting down methods are simple, quick ways to relax. For example you could:

• Imagine walking down a set of 10 stairs
• Imagine going down a set of escalators
• Imagine going down in a lift

A method I like to use is to close my eyes, allow myself to relax and then just notice where I am on a scale between 1 and 10. 1 represents deep calmness and 10 represents a state of stress. Let’s say I’m at 6. I then play a game and just pretend I’m one number lower. How do I breathe when I’m one number lower, how much more comfortable would I feel? What part of my body would feel more comfortable? What about going down to 4 or 3 or even 2? Just pretend or imagine that you were that little bit more relaxed.

5: Focus

Can you think of 2 things at once? I’m not talking about quickly thinking of one thing followed by another but 2 exclusive thoughts simultaneously?

The conscious mind can only hold onto one thought at a time. A way to take advantage of this is to take that thought or focus and put it somewhere that will help you to relax.

A simple technique is to just close your eyes and put all your focus on one of your hands. Narrow your attention down to your index finger. Gradually move your focus to your next finger, then to the ring finger. Each time your mind wanders off (and it will) just bring your focus back to that one finger. Go to the small finger and finally to the thumb. Repeat the process and do it slower than the first time. The idea is to keep your focus on that one hand. And as thoughts spring up let them go and return your attention back to your hand.

Remember that relaxation is a discipline. Just like most things in life you get good at it by doing it regularly and benefits come from consistency. A few minutes a day can make a big difference.